is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you win again, gameday.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dear god my vagina.
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