I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
