My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
honey bunches of taint.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
