I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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