? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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