Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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