so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
