She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we should paint friendship bongs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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