he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
