someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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