I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
