I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
