In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
