I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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