I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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