Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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