It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
