He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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