i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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