so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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