Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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