You work out of a Hotel?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
