please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
