WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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