Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
