the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
