How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
