In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
