who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
