I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
