booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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