if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
