I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize