dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
