I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
