winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
