We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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