I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
