There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize