I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
