I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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