question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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