I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
