I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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