We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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