i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
