Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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