I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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