Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
