can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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