Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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