His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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