I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
