why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
