apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
