I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
