I wish I could punch you in the face.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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