The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
