omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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