I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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