so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
