I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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