Swine flu is the new snow day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So much rum. So many feels.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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