i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
