btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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