nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it's not cheating when I paid for it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
