I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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