It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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