he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
