Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
