The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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