3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
